Better to Face it than to Avoid it
True to his words, Gu Hai did not eat anything for three days. To be more precise, he did not leave the room within that time frame. When Bai Luo Yin was given the intravenous fluids, Gu Hai was also beside him with a tube protruding out of his hand.
The doctor could not stand to look at this scene and began to complain in disapproval. “Young man, how lazy can you get? Does it take that much time to just go down and find something to eat?”
Gu Hai did not say anything. He extended his arm out and signaled for the doctor to just do it.
If I tell you to put the needle in, just do it. It’s not like I won’t pay you for it.
After three days of treatments, Bai Luo Yin’s body was almost back to normal aside from his limited movements.
Once his physical strength returned, hunger followed—Bai Luo Yin understood the feeling of an empty stomach. For him, it was fairly good to just lay in bed every day since he can easily cross the threshold into slumber. In that way, time passed by. But for someone like Gu Hai who was perfectly healthy and was taking care of sick patient every day, hunger must have been tortuous.
“You should go and eat something,” Bai Luo Yin simply put it.
Gu Hai shook his head as his back touched the headboard. He narrowed his eyes slightly as if caught in some deep thought, unable to escape from it.
“It’s been done and over with. Hurting and torturing yourself won’t give you any advantages so you should just go and eat. Even if you starve yourself to death, it won’t change anything.”
A disturbingly bloodless and sallow complexion rested on Gu Hai’s face, likely, due to the events of the past few days.
“I’m not trying to gain your trust by starving or torturing myself. I don’t have any appetite.”
No other words seeped out of Bai Luo Yin’s lips as he closed his eyes. While he waited for slumber to befell him, he felt two hands moved along his waistline.
The doctor wanted to apply medication on him… again.
The first few times that the medication was applied, Bai Luo Yin found the process to be the most uncomfortable, even agonizing really—after all, the doctor was also a man. Having his rear touched by another man was neither a grand splendor nor a glorious victory, especially when the injury transpired in such a mortifying, humiliating manner. For that reason alone, every time the doctor was present, he would bury his head beneath the pillow and kept silent even if the doctor had some questions for him.
Fortunately, the doctor was a good, upright and honest person who had a great medical ethic and attitude. He not only never taunted or ridiculed Bai Luo Yin but had also informed him a few things that they needed to conscious of during sexual activities. He enlightened them on various ways to enjoy a healthy sexual lifestyle and his encounters with these kinds of cases. Although it was inappropriate and probably not the best time to discuss these type of matters, it nonetheless dispelled some of Bai Luo Yin’s concern and uneasiness.
After that, he no longer used a pillow to cover his head. He had even said a few courteous words such as ‘thank you’ before the doctor took his leave.
However, it was pitiful how there were very little verbal exchanges between him and Gu Hai.
Within these three days, their conversations consisted of no more than ten sentences.
If Bai Luo Yin did not take the initiative to speak, Gu Hai would not say anything either. Occasionally, he would ask him if he needed to use the bathroom and other things of that nature and if Bai Luo Yin did not reply, it meant that he did not need to and if he did need to, he would simply shift his body for a second. Gu Hai would naturally go to the other side of the bed and help him up.
As usual, before he went to sleep, Gu Hai would bring a basin of hot water and wipe down Bai Luo Yin’s body.
Bai Luo Yin, “There’s no need to wipe today. I’ll be going home soon anyway, it’s fine to be a bit dirty. I’ll take a good bath once I get home.”
The towel in Gu Hai’s hand stopped midway in the air. He hesitated for a second and lifted the comforter to the side.
“Since you’re going to be leaving soon, if I can wipe you down a few more times, I’ll take that chance. It might just be the last time I get to. I won’t be able to later on even if I want to.”
Bai Luo Yin did not say anything else. He simply closed his eyes and soon fell asleep with the warm towel still rubbing against his skin.
After he finished wiping, Gu Hai stared at Bai Luo Yin’s sleeping face for a very long time, etching every detail of his feature into his memory. His feelings erupted and unable to hold it back, he gave him a kiss. But suddenly, he felt that doing something like that only made it even harder for himself, so he pulled himself up and got off the bed.
In the middle of the night, Bai Luo Yin was dragged out of sleep only to find that Gu Hai had fallen asleep. With his face so close to his, Bai Luo Yin kept his eyes open.
This was the first time that he had seen Gu Hai sleeping since he was brought here.
In the past, no matter what time Bai Luo Yin woke up, Gu Hai’s eyes were always open—always. Sometimes, he would find him standing in front of the windows, sometimes at the bedside but most of the time, he only laid silently on the bed next to him. Those anthracites colored eyes were always fixated engrossed in his visage.
One night, Bai Luo Yin had asked Gu Hai:
“Why don’t you sleep?”
At that time, Gu Hai did not answer right away but after Bai Luo Yin had fallen into a deep, deep sleep Gu Hai let his sonorous voice traveled throughout the room.
“I want to prolong the time I have with you.”
Today, he was most likely dead tired. Having not consumed any substances for several days and nights, it would have been strange if he was able to endure it!
The next morning when the doctor came to check on his health, he happily slapped Bai Luo Yin’s rear end.
“A young man’s body is indeed amazing! I even thought that with this kind of injury, you would be lying down for at least a few more days but from the look of it, I don’t see any more problems. When you go back, try to get as much rest as possible and remember to apply the medication on time.”
Bai Luo Yin straightened his body and stood up for the first time. While he faced the doctor, he immediately asked his most urgent and dire question. “Can I eat something now?”
“This…” the doctor hesitated for a second, “It should be alright, but not too much. Have more liquefied food, vegetables, and fruits. Also, limit the consumption of spicy food, even better… just avoid them altogether.”
Bai Luo Yin smiled and nodded, “I understand.”
The doctor patted Bai Luo Yin’s shoulder, “Then, I’ll be heading out now. If there are any problems, don’t hesitate to give me a call.”
Bai Luo Yin walked the doctor to the front door, “Take care.”
“Okay, there’s no need to see me off. Go back.”
Back in the room, Gu Hai stood next to the wall without moving. Since the doctor arrived to when he left, he had yet to change his posture or speak.
Bai Luo Yin was about to pack up when Gu Hai pointed to a backpack near the nightstand.
“Your things have already been packed.”
Hearing that, Bai Luo Yin went to get his backpack and went to the door to change his shoes.
The feelings of being able to leave that bed and leave this room was amazing.
Gu Hai also packed up his own belongings. This place belonged to a female cousin of his and he had only borrowed it. Now that Bai Luo Yin was leaving, there was no need for him to remain.
The two walked down the stairs with neither speaking and stopped in front of a thoroughfare where taxis would pass by often. To get a taxi, all that needed to be done was to wave one’s hand.
Bai Luo Yin took a few steps forward. He was about to raise his hand up when Gu Hai suddenly grasped it.
“Do you really want to leave?”
Bai Luo Yin turned to look at Gu Hai with a resolution, “Since before you did this kind of thing, you must have already predicted the consequences. Now you have to willingly accept them.”
Gu Hai hesitated, unwilling to let go, but in the end, he decided to loosen his grip. He took out a wallet from his bag, pulled out some cash, and gave them to Bai Luo Yin. “I forgot to put some money in your bag. Keep it for the ride.”
After he said this, he turned and walked away.
As Bai Luo Yin’s eyes lingered on Gu Hai’s back when he walked into the distance, it appeared strong and determined yet lonely and desolate at the same time, and before long, his figure faded.
Once he got in the taxi, Bai Luo Yin opened the backpack and found that inside were medications but the package and bottles were all switched and replaced to something else—probably done out of fear that Bai Luo Yin’s family might see what they were for. There are several articles of clothing, all of which had been washed and beneath was something warm. Bai Luo Yin pulled the thing out for a look: lunch boxes, each layer wrapped tightly above the other. He opened it up, there were bland rice porridge and several common yet simple dishes such as vegetables and fishes. These were all the food suggested by the doctor. For Bai Luo Yin, a person that had not eaten for three days, these were already the most delicious food…
After filling his stomach with food and water, Bai Luo Yin did not go home, but rather, he went to find someone else.
After what had transpired that day, Shi Hui was unable to come out of the shadow of that dark scene. She had become unusually depressed, unwilling to communicate with anyone. She kept silent and at times, fell into a complete daze. Upon seeing their precious daughter like that, her parents became extremely anxious. They called on several psychiatrists to advise them, but there was no improvement.
On this day, the household’s nanny rushed over and said to her: “There’s someone outside looking for you. He said his name is Bai Luo Yin.”
The deepest pallor and the brightest color flitted across Shi Hui’s once pale and sickly face. She immediately changed her shoes and ran out of the door.
When Bai Luo Yin saw Shi Hui, his ex-girlfriend, who had personally witnessed him being XXXX by another guy, he was not flustered or ashamed in her presence as he had imagined. On the contrary, he was exceptionally calm and collective.
In fact, it was Shi Hui who could no longer control her emotions the moment her eyes rested on Bai Luo Yin; the tears immediately flowed.
“Tell me that what I saw that day was all fake.”
Bai Luo Yin stayed silent a long time before he calmly spoke. “What you saw was all real.”
A wild and crazy rage befell Shi Hui as she looked at Bai Luo Yin and smashed her fist on his chest. With each and every punch that landed, she vented out the depression and resentment that had laid dormant within her heart.
“Why? Why did you become like this? I don’t believe it. Even when I die, I won’t believe it.”
Bai Luo Yin flung Shi Hui’s arm away, no longer showing any sign of pity or tenderness in his expression… and his words held no mercy in them either.
“You have to believe it even if you don’t want to. The truth is that the person I like is Gu Hai.”
Shi Hui’s shoulders trembled as she stared directly at Bai Luo Yin with tears-stricken eyes.
“Don’t you think what you’re doing is unusually cruel?”
Bai Luo Yin smiled indifferently. “I think that your mental capacity is strong enough to endure this. After all is said and done, you’ve already directed a shameless scene of yourself being violated by those men on the street.”
A deathly pallid color sank into Shu Hui’s face; she could no longer dare to look straight into Bai Luo Yin’s blazing eyes that practically exhausted and depleted all her imaginations to nothing.
“When did you know this? Who told you?”
“No one told me. I just came to realize it myself. You are smarter than Gu Hai and when Gu Hai tells a lie, he can never cover it up well.”
Shi Hui’s voice shook, “Since you… already knew, why didn’t you expose me?”
“I didn’t want to expose you. I know girls can be sensitive and I didn’t want to put you on the spot and make you feel embarrassed in front of me. At first, I had wanted to keep this matter to myself and pretend that it didn’t happen, but afterward, I wanted to talk to you to clear things up so that you can give up on me. But in the end, I wasn’t able to talk to you and all these things happened. I guess he was even more impatient than I was…” a bitter and painful smile appeared on Bai Luo Yin’s mouth.
Shi Hui became lost for a second and in a daze, she sat down on the stone bench nearby, letting the cold touch consume her body.
“Shi Hui, there is no need to be like this. I am not insulting you. I respect every girl, especially those that like me. I can understand why you did all these things and the motivation behind why you want me to go abroad. Trust me, everything that you have done for me, I will remember them. But I mean it when I say that I do not like you anymore and that we are completely over. I hope that you have the same respect for me and the decision that I make as I have for you. If you can do that, I will have more gratitude toward you.”
“Bai Luo Yin, you have changed. Where have all your rationality gone? Your principles?”
“Now I just believe in my heart even more.”
If the scene Shi Hui had witnessed a few days ago was a fatal blow to her then, this was the end of the world.
Bai Luo Yin offered a last piece of advice as a friend.
“Treat yourself well, after all, you are the most important person to yourself in this world.”