The PLIGHT within the HEART comes UNDONE
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After losing contact with Bai Luo Yin, Gu Hai immediately called Bai Han Qi. It was then that he found out, for the past two days, Bai Luo Yin has not returned home. He used every method to seek Bai Luo Yin out but even then he couldn’t find any information to his whereabouts. When he recalled Bai Luo Yin’s strange behaviors from before, uneasiness started to intensely shroud his heart.
Wandering anxiously around the streets all night, Gu Hai became dazed and his vision blurred a bit.
Where has that bastard gone? Why does he always disappear mysteriously like this? Why doesn’t he think about the consequences before he does something? Why doesn’t he consider how worried the people around him would be?
As these thought devour his mind, his tightly clenched fist smashed against the steering wheel.
Gu Hai’s heart was pained with anger and anxiousness that refused to leave.
Just as he was about to start the car and continue on with his search, he suddenly received a call. Glancing at it, he doesn’t recognize the unfamiliar number, yet with anticipation he picked it up.
When he heard Bai Luo Yin’s voice, Gu Hai had the urge to smash his cellphone, however, his gripped tightened instead; it was as if he was holding on to a lifeline, beckoning it for help.
Looking at the front of the phone, he shouted: “Where the fuck have you been for the last two days?”
“Where are you now?”
Gu Hai steadied his breathing and tried his hardest to calm his troubled nerves. His tired eyes glanced around in all four corners for his own location. After he informed Bai Luo Yin of his whereabouts, he threw his phone to the passenger seat. His grip loosened before he allowed his head to fall back. As he closed his eyes, a long and deep breath finally escaped his lips, bringing out with it the fear that consumed him.
Fortunately, nothing happened.
Guessing that it was nearly time, Gu Hai unlocked the door and got out. He stood outside beside his own car and waited for Bai Luo Yin. Five minutes later, a taxi stopped in the distance not too far where he was. Bai Luo Yin’s shadow emerged from within the taxi. The raging fire that Gu Hai had just suppressed a moment ago, suddenly exploded as he stared at Bai Luo Yin and took large strides toward him.
Since Bai Luo Yin left Zhen Da Cheng’s place, he wasn’t able to wash his face, or eat a proper meal, instead full of joy and expectations, he rushed to look for Gu Hai. Just as he paid the driver, he felt a quick and powerful pull, causing his body to uncontrollably move backward.
Gu Hai gripped the back of Bai Luo Yin’s collar and fiercely dragged him toward the side of his own car. He then pushed him heavily against the car door.
Anxiety was painted on his face as he looked at Bai Luo Yin and bellowed with rage, “Where the fuck did you run off to for the past few days? Do you know I looked for you all night? Do you know how worried and anxious I was?”
Bai Luo Yin didn’t even have the time to shake away or consider the pain he felt. But instead both his hands shot out and tightly clutched Gu Hai’s arm. The excitements in his eyes burned Gu Hai’s cheeks. It was hard for him to suppress the eagerness, the intense emotion that welled in his voice, “Gu Hai, do you know? I’ve found out the cause of your mother’s death during that time. She was not killed because of your dad’s design. You’ve misunderstood your father……”
Gu Hai’s face did not show even the slightest sign of astonishment or that he was touched, on the contrary, it was drawn with darkness and gloominess instead. He emphatically interrupted Bai Luo Yin’s words and angrily rebuked: “I only asked you, where were you these two days?”
The throbbing excitement in Bai Luo Yin’s pupils gradually cooled down. The corner of his pasty, colorless lips slightly moved all of a sudden and with difficulty he threw out a few words, “I went to Zhen Da Cheng’s house, that is……your uncle.”
Suddenly, Gu Hai flew into a violent rage. Both his hands shot out and ferociously held Bai Luo Yin’s shoulder. His voice like a raging thunder, loudly sounded off, “Who told you to go find him? Who told you to go?”
As Gu Hai violently shook Bai Luo Yin, swaying him back and forth, the thin and flimsy pieces of paper that he had held tightly on to, fell to the ground.
His eyes became lifeless.
It was as if the aftermath of spending the last two nights in the freezing cold had finally decided to appear at this moment. His stiffened fingers pressed into Gu Hai’s arms and one at a time, he peeled them off before inch by inch tearing himself away.
Then he turned and left.
Gu Hai didn’t chase after him. After he frantically vent out all his feelings, what remained was the emptiness and desolation. His brain became a blank piece of paper and the ability to think has already been lost, disappearing with the sound of Bai Luo Yin’s footsteps. He looked at the file slightly swaying carelessly on the ground. One by one, he picked the sheets of paper off the ground, not even daring to look at it. He wanted to immediately rip them up but he doesn’t have the courage to. In the end, unable to control his temper, he kicked the car door at full force. This kick alone left a deep hollow impression on the metal surface. Even more so, this hollowness was riddled with despair and agony.
Bai Luo Yin wandered the street lifelessly. He relied entirely on his instinct to identify the direction in which he was going. Both his legs felt heavy with each step he took, it was as if lead had been poured deeply inside. His neck could barely support his head as a buzzing sound rung off in his head. The buzz rung again and again, wearing him down. He placed his hand on a random sign that was standing nearby for support and quietly relaxed for a while.
To the side was a restaurant. Bai Luo Yin already hasn’t eaten anything for the last fifty plus hours or so. So, even when a bowl of noodles was placed in front of him, he still couldn’t tell what it smelt like or how it tasted. His appetite had waned away long ago and what replaced it was, the numbness.
Conjuring just enough appetite, he took a few bites. But immediately after these few bites, he suddenly felt an overwhelming sensation stabbed at his internals, bringing with it a strangeness that sat at the tip of his throat. Using what little strength he had left in him, he quickly rushed out of the restaurant and threw his guts out at the side of a trash can. He gagged and huffed for air as he puked out what little he had consumed. The urgency to let all the substance out was so strong that it made him become extremely lightheaded and even more fatigue.
It’s so painful!
Tears spilled out of his eyes uncontrollably and left trace marks on his pallid face.
He staggered his way back home between consciousness and unconsciousness. Once he arrived at home, he immediately went straight to his bedroom and plunged on the bed. The feeling of it was so strange to his body that he couldn’t tell if it was soft or no. But.
It’s so cold.
Bai Luo Yin lethargically tore his wet clothes off and covered himself with two quilts.
It was still cold.
His body heat didn’t so much as drain away or seep out slowly, it abandoned him with callous speed to leave him helpless and shivering in the wake of its violent escape. He tried to control the trembles that unfurled all over his body but it was of no avail. After struggling for a while, he lost consciousness.
Gu Hai remained at home for the entire day depressed. Between sleeping and awaking, awaking and sleeping, he didn’t bother going to school. Nor did he contact Bai Luo Yin. In the end, he slept until he couldn’t sleep anymore. He picked up those sheets of paper from the side of his pillow. Page by page, word by word, his brain swallowed all the information up, engraving itself deeply inside.
After looking through it, Gu Hai quietly sat up for a while, eyes glued toward the window, looking at the outside.
The inside of his hollow heart were so dry and desolate, that not even a single drop of tear flowed out.
Jiang Yuan opened the door and saw Gu Hai’s depressed face, her heart thumped for a second. She had been terribly worried for several days now and finally, this young master has returned just as she had hoped.
Gu Hai didn’t even give Jiang Yuan a glance as he passed by her and went straight to the second floor.
Jiang Yuan stood at Mrs. Gu’s bedroom door. She had already sufficiently prepared herself. If Gu Hai discovered something abnormal, if he started tossing around blames, she will take responsibility for all of it.
In these three years, Gu Hai had stayed in this room countless times. When he entered his footsteps were heavy and when he left, his footsteps were drenched in sorrow. Never had there been a moment like this, calm, revere, and grieving in silence……he finally admitted and accepted this reality, his mother has already passed away.
“Mom, why were you willing to die for him, but not willing to live for me?”
Gu Hai attentively gazed at Mrs. Gu’s photo in silence as he wiped away the tiny dust particles from the photo frame.
“A man that is able to make you willingly give up your life, must be a good father right?”
Gu Hai’s childhood emerged from the back of his mind; the images of every little interaction that he had with Gu Wei Ting floated clearly in. Those moments, those three years of feelings that he himself had covered and deeply buried has subtly began to regain its position at the bottom of his heart.
From the first the time he thought highly of him, with respect until he loathed, hated him……by just lighting the fuse of an explosion, three years of misunderstandings and pain burst into flame. He suddenly understood the expressions in Gu Wei Ting’s eyes, grief, remorse, sincerity, helplessness……also, there was another scene that he had erased from his memory: the night before Gu Wei Ting got married, he stayed in this room for the entire night. Early in the morning, he stood up and faced his late wife’s picture, and with the utmost respect, he gave her a firm military salute.
“Mom, I don’t have any other request. If you love me, please always bless and protect me and Yin Zi until the very end.”
Gu Hai looked gratefully at Mr. Gu’s photo and bowed.
Finally, he tenaciously glanced at it once more, straighten his back, and steadily marched out of this room.
Jiang Yuan was the already outside pacing back and forth in circles, countless times already. When she saw Gu Hai emerging from the room, her expression was rather calm as her heart suddenly loosen with ease.
It seems, he didn’t find anything wrong.
“In the future, there’s no need to go into my mother’s room and clean it everyday. The things that she used when she was alive, if it’s valuable, leave it there and if not, burn it.”
Surprised ate away at Jiang Yuan’s appearance, making way for her eyes to slightly widen. In actuality, she doesn’t know the meaning nor the implication behind Gu Hai’s word. As she waited for the raging storm to approach, Gu Hai had already effortlessly removed himself from her line of sight.
The sky outside was sunny and cloudless.
Even though classes were about to be dismissed, Gu Hai still went back to school. Yesterday, he had treated Bai Luo Yin so badly and made him so angry that he disappeared without uttering a single word. Now, the anger in him has vanished and all he felt was moved. He wanted to face him and expression his feeling of gratitude. He wanted Bai Luo Yin to know that, everything he has done for his sake, is worth a lifetime of Gu Hai’s thanks.
However, Bai Luo Yin’s seat was absolutely empty.
The look on Gu Hai’s face abruptly changed. He immediately dialed Bai Han Qi’s number on the spot.
“At the hospital.”
Hearing those three words, Gu Hai’s head was just like an explosion that had blown up, he frantically rushed out of the school building, flagged down a taxi and went directly to the hospital.
A scene incessantly rolled again and again in Gu Hai’s head, Bai Luo Yin emotionally grabbing his arm, proclaiming to him the results of the past two days. He had never lost self control like this before, he had never been faced with such a difficult situation like this before……at that moment, he must’ve wanted him to give him a hug, and say, ‘you’ve worked hard’, even if it was just a meaningful look in his eyes, it would have been enough. Even if it was just that, it wouldn’t have made it so unbearable for him to turn away, leaving only a disappointed and lonely back.
Once he arrived at the hospital, Gu Hai hurriedly walked toward Bai Luo Yin’s ward.
Aunt Zou was the only one there.
“Da Hai, why are you here?”
“How’s Yin Zi?”
Aunt Zou pointed toward the inside of the ward, “He’s sleeping.”
Gu Hai softly pushed open the door as not to make so much noise and entered. Bai Luo Yin was lying on the hospital bed, his face was colorless, pallid. He looked pale and haggard, unlike his usual self. Gu Hai sat beside the sickbed and looked carefully at Bai Luo Yin. From the lines of his eyes to the ones on his lips, he took them all in.
Pain then coldly carved itself into his heart. It felt so terrible watching him like this and knowing that he was hurting.
Yesterday, he also had this appearance.
Yesterday he came looking for me with this appearance! Why didn’t I see it then? Why did I uncontrollably yell and shout at him? Why was my head full of anger and rage? Why didn’t I push it away and make space to care for him, to love him?
“Yin Zi.” Gu Hai softly called out.
Bai Luo Yin heard Gu Hai’s voice and slightly cracked his eyes open, but quickly closed them again.
He didn’t have the strength to talk nor did he wanted to talk.
Gu Hai quietly sat for a while then with a dark and gloomy expression tracing the outline of his face, he walked out.
Seeing Gu Hai smoking at the entrance of the corridor near the stairs, Aunt Zou seemed as though she had just realized something. She turned and walked toward him.
“Da Hai ah, did Yin Zi provoke you, so you shut him outside?”
Gu Hai’s expression was of confusion and surprise in that moment before he stared at Aunt Zou’s face, “Why do you say that?”
She sighed, “Ai……last night when he came back, he had a fever. Later, his fever was so bad, he was talking nonsense. Saying incoherently that somebody wouldn’t let him go into the house to sleep and made him so cold that it was unbearable. I thought, these two days he wasn’t staying with you, so I……ahhh, auntie is also just guessing. If there is no such thing, then don’t take it to heart.”
Suddenly, Gu Hai’s hand that held the cigarette, stiffened, crushing half of it while the other half fell to the ground.
[I’m a bit cold. Talk with me.]
[Da Hai, hug me.]
Aunt Zou watched as Gu Hai immediately jumped from the top of the second floor stairs to the ground of the first floor.
She couldn’t help but to be a bit scared of this sudden action.
What is this kid doing?
While she was still in a frightened and doubtful state of mind, Gu Hai had already rushed out of the hospital.
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