(2) Our ‘Little Brothers’ are Powerful!
This time, Bai Luo Yin adopted the martial arts move described as a horse stance9 to go and touch the cigarette butt since the strength in his legs were adequate enough. That way, it was easier for him to control and coordinate his body. When Bai Luo Yin started to move, Gu Hai became increasingly nervous and he incessantly warned Bai Luo Yin to move slowly. As a result, Bai Luo Yin was still three to four centimeters away from the smoking pipe after more than three minutes had passed.
“Can you speed up a bit, huh?” Tong Zhe urged from the side with a cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth.
Knowing full well that the spot that Bai Luo Yin was aiming to burn was his butt cheek, Gu Hai was afraid something unexpected might occur. If this perfectly good skin was to suffer a defect, it would tantamount to gouging out a piece of his own flesh! While he thought that, Bai Luo Yin had already relied on his own senses to locate the source of the heat—there was only a distance of less than one centimeter between him and the cigarette butt.
Gu Hai’s eyes widened to the point they nearly burst. “Slow down a
Bai Luo Yin practically moved one millimeter at a time until his underwear eventually made contact with the smoking pipe and he surprisingly quivered from the heat. He instantly pinpointed the spot, grazed it and then rapidly stood up and just like that an artistic hole was branded on his underwear. Yang Meng had also been anxious the entire time. He honestly did not have any idea how much water had spilled from the glass that he was holding. When he saw that Bai Luo Yin was alright, he walked toward the center. But as he did so, he stepped in the water and instantly slipped.
His whole body collapsed on Bai Luo Yin.
Consequently, Bai Luo Yin’s bottom dropped on top of the smoking pipe.
Just like that, the smell of a roasted sparrow pervaded the whole room.
Gu Hai turned pale with fright as he suddenly sped with great stride toward Bai Luo Yin. He first shoved away Yang Meng who was pressing down on him. After that, he urgently pulled Bai Luo Yin up and immediately after, he looked at his underwear. Goodness, gracious! The hole that was originally small had become unnecessarily large and the flesh inside was burnt so badly that with a sprinkle of cumin, it could be eaten right away.
Seeing that, Gu Hai scolded Yang Meng. “What the hell were you looking at?”
You Qi hurriedly put down the video camera and ran over to help Yang Meng out. “It’s okay, that cigarette is unique. Except for being a bit hot, it won’t cause any damage to the skin.”
“Then let me try it on you!” Gu Hai said as he grabbed the smoking pipe and reached his hand out toward You Qi.
Naturally, You Qi did not want to experience it, so he grabbed Yang Meng and ran off.
Bai Luo Yin put his hand in the hole to touch that lump of crusty skin and then he tore it only to discover that it was a gluey substance similar to that of dogskin plaster.10 The scorched smell just now must have emitted from this thing and in fact, his skin did not experience any damage at all.
“Does it hurt?” Gu Hai still asked, feeling sorry and distressed.
Bai Luo Yin rubbed the area with his hand, “It’s alright. I was just a bit shock when it got burnt.”
Dreadfully earnest, Liu Chong complained to You Qi. “Why did you tell them about the cigarette butt so casually? Now that they know the secret, the punishment isn’t as effective anymore.”
Without saying anything further, You Qi picked up the cigarette butt and jabbed it on Liu Chong’s temple.
Liu Chong leaped up, wailing loudly.
“It is effective?” You Qi asked.
Hearing that, Liu Chong rubbed his forehead with all his might, “Yes…it’s effective…”
As the tense atmosphere in the room eased, the guessing game continued.
It was Gu Hai’s turn to guess.
“Long desperately for something.”11
Bai Luo Yin mulled over it for a moment but soon replaced it with, “Forget to conceal one’s desire.”12 Afterward, he picked up an article of clothing that was sitting to the side and acted as if he was putting it on. When he saw that Gu Hai did not show any reaction, he laid the clothes back down and deliberately used his hands to cover his stark-naked body—creating a phantasm that he was not adorning any clothes. Then he picked the clothes and pretended he was putting them on once more.
Gu Hai smirked mischievously, “Intending to welcome while pretending to reject.”13
The people in the room immediately started making catcalls as they flew over to snatch the cigarette butt. Since he knew that his skin would not be burnt or damaged, this time, Gu Hai immediately chose another insignificant spot as the previous one on his underwear. He quickly pressed down on the heat and after the intense pain faded, another hole appeared on his underwear.
The next idiom: “In silence, everything is done.”14
A wicked thought suddenly flashed through Gu Hai’s brain. He pushed Bai Luo Yin on the backrest of the sofa and used the plump lump of meat on his crotch to thrust at the crack between Bai Luo Yin’s butt. The indecent body language attracted a spell of whistles straightaway.
“What are you doing? What is this, huh? We haven’t left yet and you want to carry the guns into a battle already?” A wicked smile overflowed the corners of Tong Zhe’s lips.
Liu Chong also seized this opportunity to create a disturbance, “If you two want to put on a show, we will take it as you’ve answered correctly.”
Gu Hai ignored them and looked directly at Bai Luo Yin, “Did you guessed it yet?”
This group of people stared blankly, completely unsure of what the idiom had to do with the couple’s action.
Although Bai Luo Yin did not want to open his mouth, for the sake of avoiding the burn, he still answered with earnest. “Use a stem to make a hole.”14
Once the idiom came out, everyone was instantly amazed by its awesomeness. After a very long time later, the room exploded in epic-proportion and all the participants truly admired them from the bottom of their hearts. They are fucking geniuses among gangsters! They are able to rip each and every word apart and make it extraordinarily obscene. If they don’t perform, it would indeed be a waste of talent.
Zhou Ling Yun, who had kept silent during the entire ordeal finally spoke. “Stop all this ruckus now! Let us have them explain how exactly the hole in ‘use a stem to make a hole’ is done?”
The sentence incited a burst of sinister laughter.
Only Yan Ya Jing covered her face as she shyly blushed with shame. “Oh god, you men are so annoying! What are you doing by letting them talk, huh? Wouldn’t it be all set just to let me directly demonstrate it?”
The words roused them from their daze. Then with great speed, six men and one woman flocked the newlyweds and persistently egged them on. “Hurry up! Hurry up! If you don’t perform for us, we will bring out a stovepipe. Don’t blame us if you burn to death!!”
Gu Hai demonstrated by using his lower half to lightly bump against Bai Luo Yin. He did not dare to tease too many times, afraid that if he kept moving, Xiao Hai Zi will actually leap out.
Bai Luo Yin’s handsome face was unnaturally red. He immediately got up, pressed Gu Hai on the sofa and then also lightly bumped against his behind a few times.
The atmosphere in the room was practically on the verge of exploding as a group of men heckled rowdily. “Take it off, take it off!”
Gu Hai retorted, “That’s enough, stop this endless ruckus already. The family’s kid is shy.” After saying that, Gu Hai used his hands to cover Bai Luo Yin’s burning hot cheeks.
The guessing game continued. Despite the tacit understanding between the two, it was unavoidable to make mistakes. After a total of fifty idioms were guessed, their underwear was all burnt with holes that even strands of hair were poking out and practically playing hide and seek. Fortunately, the key areas had not subjected to the baptism of cigarette butts and were still being sheltered by a few pieces of torn cloth—it was truly a thrilling escape!
Bai Luo Yin and Gu Hai fist bumped to express their fantastic collaboration.
Tong Zhe, the scorekeeper, sneered coldly then cleared his throat. “According to my records, you both have exceeded the time limit by fifty minutes. Based on the rules, the seven of us can each burn you guys with the cigarette butt fifty times.”
Gu Hai scowled at him, “Didn’t you say that you will remind us if we exceeded the time limit?”
Tong Zhe shrugged nonchalantly, “Aren’t I reminding you two now?”
Liu Chong waved his fist: “Comrades, charge!! An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. This is your last chance.”15
Just like that, the pitiful couple was surrounded in the middle by everyone and was burnt until they wailed in unison—unable to get angry or even resist since ‘intruding in on the bridal chamber’ was carried out to obtain a jubilant celebration, thus, taking it too seriously was ominous. So even if the pain provoked tears, they can only swallow it and show their smiles. Who told them to deliberately do all those immoral deeds in normal times?
The final outcome was as such. Gu Hai’s underwear was thoroughly burnt into a fishnet, leaving only a few strings to keep it fastened. Bai Luo Yin was not much better off than his other half. The only piece of cloth that existed there was solely due to Gu Hai who had used his hand to protect it. That action burnt the back of his hand black.
“I want to know who came up with this rotten idea?” Bai Luo Yin ran his eyes over everyone who was rejoicing in other people’s misfortune.
Liu Chong answered, “I have already read out what the roles are, but I did not specify who the schemer was.”
Bai Luo Yin and Gu Hai exchanged a glance and started to rule out each person, one by one. You Qi was the cameraman, Zhou Ling Yun was the organizer, Liu Chong was the facilitator, and Yan Ya Jing and Tong Zhe were the supervisors. With only Gu Yang and Yang Meng left, the two men simultaneously turned their attention to Gu Yang.
Gu Yang lifted his brows with an icy arrogant. “Don’t look at me, I’m only an observer looking for some excitement.”
Could it be… The two shifted their line of sight to Yang Meng who was wearing a modest smile. “Actually, I only copied some other people’s scheme and added a bit of my own creativity…”
Bai Luo Yin immediately gritted his teeth, “The one time in your life that you’re fucking smart, you actually didn’t fucking use it in the right place!”
Yang Meng laughed mischievously, “Hehehehe.”
‘Intruding in on the bridal chamber’ proceeded into the next game called, “our ‘little brothers’ are powerful”!16 Hearing such words, one can guess more or less what it would entitle. The specific rule was that one person will a solid object fastened to their butt while the other person with his ‘little brother’ sheathed with something hard goes to thrust against the solid object until it punctures through for it to be considered a success. During the entire ‘penetrating’ process, the person enacting this ‘penetration’ must incessantly ask, ‘has it entered?’ If it has not ‘entered’, the person on the receiving end must incessantly shout, ‘laogong, use all your strength to thrust harder!’ If it ‘enters’, he must then shout, ‘laogong, you’re amazing!’
Originally, a normal married couple playing such a game would only need a sponge and a banana. All they had to do was aim the banana at the hole in the center of the sponge and enter to be successful. However, considering Gu Hai and Bai Luo Yin impressive physical power, using a sponge and a banana would be a complete and utter waste of their talents. Therefore, the objects were changed to a solid rubber-like thing and a galvanized outer covering.
After a simple discussion, the two decided to do it together by completely arming the front and back of their privates. When the time comes, they will adjust their position depending on the situation—whoever was stronger can be the so-called ‘penetrator’.
However, a problem had emerged. If they want their ‘little brothers’ to be covered by the galvanized object, they must first make their ‘little brothers’ hard and unfortunately, that had to be accomplished in front of everyone. Confronted with fourteen very wicked eyes, how could the average person become hard, huh?! But neither Gu Hai or Bai Luo Yin were average people.
Gu Hai simply placed his hands on Bai Luo Yin’s waist and tickled him a few tickles. The little thing between Bai Luo Yin’s leg started to rise straightaway…and everyone present looked on, dumbstruck.
Isn’t that just too strong? Is there a power switch on Bai Luo Yin’s waist or something? Just one touch and he reacted immediately…
With a great sense of accomplishment, Gu Hai belittled everyone with his derisive glance. You all still want to seize this opportunity to see a performance? Stop dreaming! It was useless from the start! Every part of his body belongs to me. Regardless of where I touch, there will always be a reaction!
The spectators had thought that Gu Hai was amazing, godly even but in the end, Bai Luo Yin was even more amazing. His hands needed not to touch Gu Hai. He simply moved in close to his ear, whispered a few words and Gu Hai’s ‘little brother’ hardened at once—to support the sky as a single pillar. Even taking hard drugs could not yield such a quick response!
As matters stand, Gu Yang had no choice but to acknowledge that these two are truly a match made in heaven.
9 Horse stance
10 Dogskin plaster – Gou Pi Gao (狗皮膏), more commonly called Gao Yao (膏药); a sort of plaster or patch; to literally translated Gou Pi Gao means ‘dog skin patch’ because, back in the olden days, a medicinal paste was smeared on an aged piece of dog skin and applied to the affected area. as time passed, the use of dog skin was phased out and has been replaced with adhesive cloth patches. The idea behind the use of medicinal plasters came from the Tang Dynasty; they believed that medicinal plasters were more effective than ingesting the medicine for “diseases” that were positioned between the skin and the bone or tendon (bruises, broken capillaries, tiny fractures, torn muscles, etc.). Applying the plaster directly allows the medicine to be directly absorbed into the damaged soft tissue thus speeding up the healing process.
11 望眼欲穿 (wàngyǎnyùchuān) – keep gazing till one’s eyes are strained—long’s eager expectation; to wait anxiously
12 忘掩欲穿 (wàngyǎnyùchuān) – forget to conceal one’s desire; the tonal mark makes the idiom exactly the same but the meaning is different
13 欲拒還迎 (yùjùháiyíng) – to welcome (或meet the requirement of) sb. with an intention to refuse/reject.; to welcome with reluctance
14 以靜制動 (yǐjìngzhìdòng) – ‘do everything in silence’ / 以茎制洞 (Yǐ jīng zhì dòng) – ‘use a stalk to make a hole’ ; they keep on getting the idiom right because the tonal mark make them sound the same when the meanings are completely different
15 有冤的報冤，有仇的報仇，過了這個村可就沒這個店了。lit. ‘if you had been wronged, expose it. If you want revenge, now is the time; after this village, there won’t be any other shops’; fig. eye for eye, tooth for tooth,- or ‘the law of retaliation’, is the principle that a person who has injured another person is to be penalized to a similar degree, and the person inflicting such punishment should be the injured party. In softer interpretations, it means the victim receives the [estimated] value of the injury in compensation. The intent behind the principle was to restrict compensation to the value of the loss.
16 老二 (lǎo’èr) – second-eldest child in a family / euphemism for penis